You need to watch the way you talking to me, yo

I was going to score this episode, but it's already super late and I don't want to deal with calculators tonight. I know, I know. You're judging me hard.



Anyway, if you want to give me a ballpark idea of how you'd score it, feel free! Maybe I'll trade estimates.

Today in Salem, Bo insists on leaving the hospital, and Carly yells at him. This is the most bf/gf-y they've acted in a long time.

Hope cries about Sierra almost losing her daddy, and justin hugs her. "We're going to find who did this!" LMAO, yeah okay Justin. Just like you found out who mugged you after Sierra told you who has your wallet. ...Oh, wait.

Our favorite Dick reads the headline about Bo's attack. He flashes back to his lady love (lol, this still creeps me out w/e) yelling at him about how not under control this is and for calling the cops. Back in present time, Dick says that she hates him and is certifiably nuts, so why can't he get her out of her mind? I love the people who want them together. Right on, you little weirdos! You're awesome.

Elvis is on the phone with Nicole, and she wants money in exchanges for her silence. Nicole snarks at him, like the adorable drunk she is. E.J. makes his best angry face and refuses to play butler to her every whim for the rest of her life! But he has no problem being Sami's. Oh, I see.

Rafe figures out that the code from Nicole's diary points to different locations. "It's all over, E.J. Thanks to Nicole, I gotcha." See, there's a guy who knows how to give credit to Nicole where credit is due!

Bald, black guy whose name I don't know inquires about Rafe's code-deciphering skills. Rafe says that they're addresses for banks all over the country, and a bus station in Salem - she has a locker, and clearly she's blackmailing E.J. And you all thought he wouldn't figure this out! Take two points away from yourselves if you didn't think he could! Now he can find out what Nicole knows and destroy bbDimera.

BBG: "And then what?" Rafe thinks we'll just have to see from there. That's right, bro. Don't get your hopes up higher than Hope's bumpit, because Sami... really. Even Lucas and Austin couldn't lock that shit down. Speak of the Brady, Sami shows up at Rafe's office with babby Johnny Dimera in tow.

E.J. continues his phone sex (oh, she's not running a 900 number?)call with Nicole, and tries to sound strategic by telling her not to overplay a good hand. There's innuendo in that somewhere, right? He thinks he can ruin things for her and Brady. (With what proof, Elvis? Really, I'd like to know.)

"If you pull the trigger, so will I!" Nicole thinks he doesn't mean metaphorically. No, Nicole. You know what he'll do: get blood all over your clothes and PRETEND you're dead. That's what he did with Sydney, non? Well, whatever. He's threatening to kill her, blah blah blah.

LOL, Carly's LITERALLY blocking Bo's way out the door and not letting him leave his hospital room. That's what I like about her. She's substantially able to do so. If Hope tried that shit, she'd better hold on to the door frame tight, because a gust of wind (indoors...idk) would blow her out of Beauregard's way.

Bo wants to find out who attacked him, and Carly wants him to stay safe inside his airtight, soundproof cellar vault thingy under the Dimera mansion hospital room. Victor walks in. I'll give this element positive GOE if he insults Carly. Extra if I think it sounds sexist, aaaaand GO: "Hell has frozen over! Carly and I actually agree on something!" ...hmmm, backhanded compliment. I'll take it! I love Bo's annoyance.

Justin to Hope: "I WANT you to lean on me." OMG. Stop throwing yourself at her. Even Dick has more of a chance with Hope. And I mean, I know Nighttime Hope kissed Justin, but she seemed more genuinely touched by Dick's feelings for her (LMAO, I still laugh. I'm 12.)

Rafe is kind of adorable because Johnny wanted to take a picture of the fingerprint machine for Show and Tell, and Rafe looks genuinely happy. And he jokes that Johnny could just take the 40 pound machine with him, because LOOK AT THOSE GUNS!

Maggie and Brady have a heart-to-heart because she is every addict's sponsor in Salem. Whatever Dick drugged him with however long ago is still affecting his body apparently, because his body thinks he relapsed. But she also wants to talk about Nicole, and really? Not to sound cheesy, because I don't mean it in a sweet way, but Brady is SO addicted to Nicole. Even more so than I am.

LMAO, Nicole shows up at the mansion, and he's like IT'S ABOUT TIME, DID YOU STOP FOR A DRINK ON THE WAY. While Nicole is a sloppier drunk than usual, I'm clappy hands at such casual references to her drunkenness.

Carly leaves Victor alone with Bo, and THERE IT IS! Victor tries to see if there's any possible way somebody's just trying to get back at Carly for killing Lawrence. (LOL, no1 currr, Victor. Except for Vivian.) Bo is NOT having this, okay. He won't let Victor blame Carly, but Victor does state that whoever attacked Bo will be sorry they were ever born. Oooh, chills.

Daytime Hope is crying and flailing her arms around, so I think she's sad about Bo's attack. Justin stop rubbing her. This is creepy. He wants to give her whatever she ~needs. Ew.

LMAO, Hope wants space and Justin thought she wanted the opposite. She looks at him like he's completely deluded. I laugh and laugh. He goes on about their kiss, and she is completely clueless.

Brady doesn't understand what Nicole has to do with his sobriety, and he demonstrates his confusion with his signature hand gestures.

Maggie tells him we all know Nicole will do anything to get him, and he looks confused as she tells him he's "too smart to bite, right?"

"Again, buh-rilliant deduction, you are a constant revelation EJ." Elvis thinks he has as much power over Nic as she does over him. Um, EJ YOU HAVE NO PROOF!

She reminds him of that very fact, and she says he HAS to pay her. He tells her he'll give her a one-time payoff, and if those tapes ever surface, he'll kill her. "You're such a buzzkill, EJ. You know that?!" LMAO I LOVE HER.

Rafe and Sami have an awkward moment, and he insists that he has to get back to work. "You don't have two minutes for a friend?" LOL Sami. A friend? Really. He says he's doing all this for her, and she weakly asks "for me?" NO, SAMI. Rafe's never tried to do anything for you ever! Don't look so shocked.

Nicole hears Sydney crying, which upsets her. Sympathy points. She misses Sydney, and really, I think it's a sad scene without being overdramatic. I'm not even snarking right now.

"What are you doing besides throwing me out of your office?" Geez, Samanther. So petty.

Rafe scoffs at her, and she thinks he's sending mixed signals about wanting to be part of her kids' lives and shit. I'm sure he'll explainy in a few seconds. He raises his voice a few decibles to tell her that he loves her kids, but E.J. doesn't want him around them. You can't have it both ways, Sami! You have to make a choice! This is the same thing Carrie told you a month ago, Sami!

LMAO SAMI STORMS OUT. YES, REALLY SAMANTHA! Listen to Rafe repeat Carrie's advice and PICK ONE. I mean, Carrie DID get the man, so she should know what she's talking about right. (I still think she took the wrong guy with her, but whatever. Not the point. Carrie and Mike forever, though. Sorry, Austin. I do hope you and Carrie are quite happy.)

Hahahahaaaa, Hope thinks Justin's talking about their kiss months ago when they were sneaking around in Vivian's room looking for incriminating evidence and shit, and staged a kiss when Vivian caught them so that she wouldn't REALLY know what they were doing in her room. There's that history lesson I really didn't want to relive.

And now she's telling him, she might never be able to move on from Bo. OUCH. I'm laughing so hard right now.

Carly gets Bo home, and he patronizes her a bit about it not being so difficult to let him go home. She was patronizing first, so this is a relationship of equals. He doesn't want to wait for anyone to find his attacker, so he's trying to solve the mystery himself. Detective Bo at least knows that the attack happened in the house, and whatever happened, happened.... AND HE DOESN'T FINISH THE SENTENCE. OH THE SUSPENSE.

Brady tells Maggie that he actually believes Nicole is trying to be a better person. She shakes her head. She's not a cynic, she's just skeptical. Totally. Brady gets a phone call that he has to take. He says he'll tell "this person" he'll call them back. "Yeah, that person." Maggie, you clever lady. You know the only person calling Brady is Nicky.

Johnny wants to wear his jacket in the house, and Sami tells him no, it's too hot. Johnny now thinks it's hot and he wants a popsicle. Sami refuses. ROOOOOD. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM NOT AN ADVOCATE OF DENYING ANYONE OF POPSICLES. (E.J. was about to let him have one, just so you know.)

E.J. takes Sami's side because he's whipped. If Sami says no, she means no. Johnny says she always says no, and calls her mean. OMG, is he acting out because he misses Rafe?

Hope shows up outside Bo's house, while he and Carly are inside. Bo sees a picture of him and Hope with Alice, and suddenly has a pain in his head.

Carly wants to try some relaxation techniques to get rid of the headache and maybe help him remember, just as Hope walks into the house unannounced. LOL.

Nicole senses Brady's tension, and lets him off the phone. Maggie snarks at Brady a little bit about Nicole, and he wants to drop the subject. Which prompts her to yell at him and throw advice at him! What a firecracker of a lady.

Her advice does not sound like advice, she's just telling him about the aspects of his recent behavior that she finds worrisome. Maggie, I don't think the word "advice" means what you think it means.

There's a knock at the door, and she tells him to hold that thought! "It was yourrrr thought..." OH, BRADY, YOU SASSED AT MAGGIE. OH MY GOD, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU RN. All you need is cantaloupes and you can be a believable Joan.

I love how Maggie is warning Brady about Nicole, but she's so friendly with Victor - you know, who has always been the kindest, most warmhearted human being ever and all. I love you Maggie, and I enjoy Victor/Maggie, BUT REALLY? LOL.

Victor tells her that Bo has been released from the hospital and was about to make a pass at the fiery redhead, but he notices his grandson lurking about and how uncool is it trying to work your game with your GRANDSON watching.

NIC AND DICK. NIC AND DICK! Nicole feigns sadness at the news of him leaving town, but she knows he needs her to give him money to leave. She doesn't think giving him money will get rid of him for good. He thinks she could make her life miserable, but she threatens his life and tells him to "keep lying low, or he'll be lying underground!" NICOLE HAS AMAZING LINES TODAY OKAY. Dickole for life, y'all.

E.J. pays the kid to apologize for calling Sami mean. Well, we don't have proof that he did, but I think he did. Sami thinks so too, because she doesn't think her kid actually would apologize to her. She and E.J. remark at what wonderful parents they are. Okay, then.

Hope has an awkward moment walking in on Bo and Carly's "relaxation exercises" and Carly invites her to stay to ask questions if he remembers anything. OMG, A THREESOME!!!!! ...oh, Hope is too much of prude to partake.

Brady leaves because he doesn't want to see his grandpa macking on his addiction sponsor. Victor realizes he probably should have left instead of Brady, and Maggie agrees. LOL, smoooooth. Maggie's worried about him, and Victor talks about what an influence she is on Brady. She think she blew it with the Nicole talk.

LAMO, Nicole checks her savings account for EJ's payoff. She cheers in excitement over being rich, but we all know she's just checking Twitter and she's really freaking out because Kanye West is finally on twitter, and it is amazing.

Bo tells his wife not to be a prude, and that it's just "relaxing" to get rid of his headache. She should stay and help! She agrees to, and apparently this is not a threesome. Carly is doing some posture and breathing exercises. If Marlena Evans were still in Salem, she'd be hypnotizing him and shit. Damn, are these exercises why Carly is usually so calm? Because she is usually waaay too nice and understanding and shit, and I was wondering how she does it.

She tells Bo to think of a pleasurable memory, and snap, it's of him and Hope sailing on the Fancy Face.

Victor thinks it's impossible for Maggie to do wrong, and she thinks he puts her on a pedestal. "That's where you belong!" Damn, boy. That's a line. She is not having it, though, and she tells him he belongs at home with his lovely wife (Crazy Vivian, if you've forgotten!)

Brady sees Dick at the pier, and that's not a gun and he's not happy to see him.

Rafe checks the bus station locker, but it's empty. "One step ahead of me, but not for long! I'm gonna get you." Meaning, he wants her for herself, yes? Come on, he has to admire Nicole's prowess here. She's skilled! Is he not a little turned on.

Sami is shocked that E.J. is complimenting her. Girl, where have you been? She notes that she doesn't have her life together - omg, we agree. She is apparently upset that Johnny is sassing back at her, and he (OMG WAT EVEN LOL) wanted to talk to the judge to tell him that he loves his daddy more than his mommy. E.J. exclaims that he said the exact opposite to him. That kid is sneaky and manipulative. He takes after his parents.

They talk about the downfalls of joint custody, and E.J. brings up marriage. Sami freaks out, as she should. Because OMG WHAT EVEN, ELVIS? Ew.

She asks Bo where he is (in his memories and all), and he tells her that he's on the Fancy Face with Hope. Ouch. She seems a little hurt that the pain is gone because of Hope. Aww, I know she never should have gotten into the whole Bo thing so soon after Hope, but I actually feel bad for her in the sense that she never really deluded herself about him. Yet, she's still here. When are they freeing up Daniel? (I'm guessing another six months or so, ugh.) She then fast-forwards him to last night (which was, like, years ago to us) and asks what he remembers. AAAAAND, we cut to previews. Ugh, cockblockers.

Tomorrow in Salem

In the previews, Brady tells Nicole that Dick has to go down. And I giggle at the 16-year-old boy humor I have going on. Sami asks if E.J. is proposing, and oh god please no. And Carly asks Bo what he remembers, and the sight of this furry, wide-eyed man is comical.

Do you think EJ's new hair do will turn into a faux-Fox-try-to-keep-Kay-by-pretending-to-die-of-cancer storyline. If so, do you think such a lame plotline on Passions would actually seem exciting on Days?

Oh my god, I can't even. While I would believe James did that to himself, I wouldn't be shocked at all if E.J. pulled that kind of stunt with Sami.

I don't think I can objectively watch a similar plotline on Days because the Fox one made me rage so much at how horrible it was. But... I must say, if Days tried it, I think I'd find E.J. ridiculously and unintentionally funny in the role.

Ask me anything

I was going to throw up rewritten Elvis lyrics here, but eh lazy.

Stefano says Katharine is obsessed with Maddie's death. Kate feels bad for Chad and Stefano thinks it's tragic, but they barely know him and Maddie dying removes the threat.

Chad wants to talk to Mrs. Dimera. His facial hair is making him look older. And dirtier. I'm waiting for him to angst so much that he ends up driving off on a motorcycle.

Hernandez family meeting.

Chloe shows up at Maggie's. Melanie leaves Philip and Chloe alone to "talk" about the fight she and Daniel had.

Chloe would have come clean if it weren't for her protecting Philip? Oh writers, I don't believe that's the case. Excuse me if I'm a little suspicious.

Kate thinks Chad is an innocent young man, and Stefano doesn't feel any compassion for Chad, therefore CLEARLY he is Chad's father. Right? I toyed with the idea of him being Tony's, but IDK IDK. I'm sure he's Stefano's babby.

OOH, Stefano just talked of obliterating enemies. Is Kate too soft to be a Dimera?

The Hernandez kids are going to talk about EJ.

Brady stalks Nicole and shows up at her place. With a plant. If this were Veronica Mars, I'd be convinced there's a bug. Nicole offers Brady a soda, but I don't know where she's going to get it. I think she just walked into the bathroom, but who knows. Salem room and board is dubious.

Remember a few weeks ago when Philip almost came clean with Melanie, and Chloe shrieked and convinced him not to do it? The roles are reversed now, and I'm close to hanging myself because I'm pretty sure all these conversations are interchangeable, because they're ALL THE SAME.

While I eat lunch, Chad confronts Kate asking about his mother. Stefano seems to be giving Will a job. Brady tries to read Nicole's diary.

Ari explains her attachment to E.J. to Rafael. While he was away, Elvis was the only one who stood by her the whole time, blah blah blah. She thinks he's complicated and trying to do better, and Rafe admits that maybe she's right. Oh, Rafe. All your womens are flocking to Elvis.

Brady wants to "help" Nicole find a nicer living situation, but Nicole is adamant about being independent. Good for her. Brady, stop looking for situations where you have to save her lol.

Chloe compliments Daniel on being a good dad to Melanie, and she thinks Melanie is great. Clappy hands for Chloe!

Kate wants Chad to remember that Maddie loved him and wanted the best. Chad: "BUT STILL!" Kate tells him that worrying about her past in his grief is beside the point.

Oh, I better get my obligatory "Poor Chad! :'(" in here somewhere.

Brady pries into Nicole's business a little bit, the usual. They make a lunch date instead.

Arianna leaves, and she's glad that they could talk. "Benefit of the doubt? AS IF!" LOL RAFE.

Daniel buys Mel earrings for graduating nursing school (already?!) and Melanie tries to talk about him and Chloe some more.

Kate thinks Chad has a lot of courage, and Chad wants to have these kinds of talks with Kate now. So Stefano is grooming Will and Kate is taking Chad under her majestic blue-streaked Adam Lambert wing (LOL Lauren Koslow is legend). Let's get this rivalry-turned-friendship-turned-romance-(if only in my head)-turned-rivalry-turned-epic-love-story moving!!! I hope at some point Chad gets a motorcycle and a leather jacket. Will can get some fancy car from Stefano. Or an airplane.

He's about to leave and opens the door. Stefano is shocked to see him. If he were anyone BUT Stefano, he'd be doing an awkward nervous laugh.

Philip sits on a bench at what could either be the pier or the park, they're pretty much the same anyway. He imagines what would happen if he tells Melanie the truth. "YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND! I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH NATHAN!" "YOU RUINED MY LIFE! YOU RUINED MY DAD'S LIFE!" "MELANIE I LOVE YOU!" "WE'RE DONE! *SLAAAAP!*" LMAO, I LOVE THIS SHOW.

AAAHAHAHA. Carly schedules Chloe's paternity test across town at St. Mary's for tomorrow and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, Daniel is asked to do a skingraft surgery tomorrow across town AT ST. MARY'S! OH, AND HE INVITES MELANIE ALONG TO OBSERVE!!! It's a Jonas family outing. How quaint.

Rafe apparently has found something on Nicole. I'd bet it's not exactly what we know.

No Carver family, no Hope's pjs.

no1 curr, but...

Since I won't be home this afternoon, I will probably not be posting a normal recap today. If I do post one at all, it will probably be just my quick, raw notes I write during the show. Or I'll hold off until way late tonight and post something a little more substantial.

If you find yourself sorely missing my commentary, feel free to spam my brand new (probably useless, but let's pretend it's not) Formspring with questions about Days Of Our Lives. Or Passions, because that's fun, too. I'll answer anything, unless I really don't know the answer.

http://www.formspring.me/abesofourlives

Kris Allen is sorry for the inconvenience his tour is causing.

Out, damned spot! out, I say!

OMG, the teaser scenes look so promising already. I have a feeling today is a high-scoring kind of day.

(-3) Bo is awake, and surprise, surprise. He doesn't remember anything.

(+4) MELANIE! She's so pretty and adorable. LOL, I don't even care that I flail over ridiculous things, like Melanie being cute as usual. Anyway, she's getting off the phone with Philip when Nathan is at the door. Haha, juxtaposed moments in Melanie's life.

(-2) This turns into an awkward Nathan/Melanie scene, where he tells her he's moving in with Stephanie. She doesn't give him shit for it, but right now he seems upset that she doesn't care. I can't help it that I ship them okay. I just wish they would move this story along. As sad as I'll be when Philip's secret comes out because I don't want Philip and Melanie to go away, I still love Nathan/Melanie and really wish they would just move this whole love quadrangle along faster if that's what the show is actually leaning towards.

(+3) Anyway, she is kind of surprised, but she shrugs it off, saying that it'll be nice that if Stephanie wakes up vomming or has welts or something like that, at least there's a doctor right there! Nathan seems amused by her lovely imagery. I am too, because LMAO at gross Stephanie.

(+5) The return of Hope's terrible pajamas! YAYAYAYAY. My day is even better now.

(+1) Stefano reads Maddie's obit and he and Kate lament~ He's glad their secret is buried now, but Kate thinks he needs to brush up on his Shakespeare because it can't be over yet. (Is that the one thing Stefano is not brushed up on?) I didn't know how to score this scene, so I'm giving it a +1 because it's kate/stefano and I ship them and Shakespeare.

(+8) WILL AND CHAD! MORE CLAPPY HANDS! Will apologizes to Chad for saying all those things about his mother. Eh, they were true, though. But he feels guilty for his part in Maddie's death, but Chad doesn't blame him.

(-5) I don't like Crazy Jealous Caroline, because I don't see the point of having her bitch out Victor and Maggie all the time. It's kind of a waste of Caroline. I want Caroline Bluth. You know, the version of Caroline I have in my head where she drinks all day and insults her children? I would LOVE that Caroline, if they would write her like that.

(-3) Roman asked Bo if he's awake. Um, Roman. Really? How are you a detective.

(+2) "Don't you ever get killed by your crazy ex-wife again." Well, he doesn't say that exactly, but he does get mad at Bo for getting himself almost killed.

(-2) Justin comes over to tell Hope that Bo is in the Hospital. Hope looks worried. I think Daytime Hope is back. Sadface.

(+8) Melanie refuses to offer to help Nathan with his boxes (AWESOME. "I'd offer to help, but you might say yes..."), while Philip's hair fluffs itself out. He has it tucked behind one ear, Joey Potter style.

(-1) Adrienne brings coffee to Stephanie's place, and they need to have a serious talk. Somehow, this has to do with Patch grilling Adrienne about Stephanie and Nathan.

(+3) Okay, points for you, Adrienne for sarcastically calling Patch a Pillar of virtue in his youth.

(-3) BOO ADRIENNE. Why would you talk Steve out of scaring the shit out of Nathan. That would be the greatest thing to come out of Stephanie and Nathan as a couple. Plus, I'd rather he come back than Kayla. I take your points back.

(+3) Caroline snipes at Victor and Maggie some more, like I figured would happen once Victor and Maggie left for the hospital last week. But she does have a point this time. I don't care what Roman says. Caroline is a tough lady, and she deserves to know if her son is in the freaking hospital. She's not fragile, don't keep stuff like that from her. Plus points because Caroline deserves them here.

(-2) She leaves, and Victor is kind of laughing at her. Okay, I really don't want people to see her as a joke. Even if I keep pushing Caroline as Lucille Bluth.

(+5) Points for Victor's "Dangerous Dame, Maggie Horton" line. I'd watch that movie. (Oh yes, the context is that Maggie now has two old ladies making her out to be the "other woman.")

(-3) Roman is questioning Bo about what he remembers. Roman, you make me sad. You come across Bo covered in gasoline, presumably ready to burn to death, and you didn't think that the perpetrator might still be in the house? Like who leaves their victim covered in gas and just LEAVES. Doesn't it seem like the person was JUST ABOUT to make their move and set Bo on fire before Daniel got there? And I make myself sad for only just now thinking about this.

(-1) Hope walks in to see Carly hugging Bo. I want to see her instantly morph into Nighttime Hope. Like a power ranger. However, she does not. Sad.

(+10) Will and Chad are making googly eyes at each other even if they don't know it. They're back at the pier and Chad's agonizing over how his mom died. Will tells him that her past doesn't change what she became. LOL, I really love how much Chad loves his mother. It cracks me up. But he does wonder what other secrets she's keeping, and he thinks Will's grandmother is the key.

(-2) I love will, but I have to give him obligatory negative points for trying to stop Chad and motherly Kate moments. He doesn't think it's a good idea. If this is out of jealousy, I'll give him extra points next time.

(+15) OMG THE WHOLE CARVER FAMILY. I'M GOING TO DIE. THE FIRST FAMILY OF SALEM HAS ARRIVED. Theo is destined to be prodigy. Probably a doctor boy wonder. Anyway, he says something about Aunt Hope and treasures, and Lexi is confused.

(+2) Nathan brings out a bunch of boxes, and he seems to need help. However, Melanie is gone. He looks sad. We know, Nathan. I'm sure you can carry your box of pillows on your own. (LMAO, okay, as we'll find out later, they were full of books. But I love the idea of Nathan just being too lazy to carry tiny boxes of nothing.)

(+6) "I LOVE BEING RICH!" Melanie exclaims after Philip surprises her at the "beach(!!!!)" with a fancy looking lunch setting.

(+2) She asks the occasion, and apparently, since Philip owns a hospital ward, he managed to get Melanie's grades from nursing school early. Melanie aced all her finals and keeps thinking that Philip bought her grades. And he tells her that's something he can't buy. Aww.

(-1) Daytime Hope asks Bo questions about his attack. So, I'm gathering that the switching between AM/PM Hope was really more that Bo was breaking down Nighttime Hope. Daytime Hope does not seem to have any idea at all that it was her.

(-1) Only one mention of babies from Melanie today. Thank you, writers, for toning that down for today. I'll only subtract one point as a show of gratitude.

(+4) LMAO Nathan gave Stephanie a bracelet last week, so this week Philip gives Melanie a (probably) better and more expensive one. Ugh, they're so cute. I love them. Which makes me sad because....

(-2) ...BAH! WHY DID THEY HAVE TO RUIN THIS SCENE WITH PHILIP AND CHLOE UNAWESOMENESS. Like, I love a good infidelity flashback, but now we're at the point where we're flashing back to their conversations about said

(+1) Carly thinks Hope is trying to pin the attack on her, and Hope's all like, "I'm just getting a timeline, okay." I actually kind of like this, because I wish Carly weren't so understanding. I feel like if she were a little more aggressive, everything would move less slowly.

(+8) Salem's first family: they're just like us! They hang out at the sandy clearing in the trees and try to act like they're not the most majestic family in Salem (I like their humility), and Theo digs up a wallet (LOLWAT???). He then mentions that Aunt Hope's treasures were wallets. He's been hanging out with Creepy Sierra, clearly.

(-2) Justin stop being creepy. Hope gets a phone call while questioning Carly, and as she takes the call, Justin walks up behind her. OMFG, SHE IS A POLICEWOMAN. ON THE PHONE. Why is this any of your business, Justin. He's so lame, I wish he'd go away.

(+2) Stephanie finds a picture of Nathan and Stephanie tucked away in an envelope, as if he was keeping it because it's special. STEPHANIE'S. REACTION. FACE. IS. ABSOLUTELY. PRICELESS. It's the most honest I've seen her.

(-2) Kate talks to herself a bit, while pulling out Chad's birth certificate that she apparently just carries around in her purse, and now we know Charles isn't his real father. I seem to have been on a computer for too long, because I kept trying to make my tv screen scroll down so I can see whose name is on the birth certificate. I'm baffled at Kate just freely whipping out THE ONLY COPY OF CHAD'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE when she has a free moment. lolwat.

(-1) Stefano overhears her talking to herself, and asks what she just said about Chad's father. Of course he overhears her. He's got powers, okay.

(+1) Bo asks Roman for a cheeseburger, and Roman laughs at him as he leaves. Bo calls him useless. Which isn't entirely inaccurate. Bro and bRoman get points for this exchange, though.

(+5) Kate covers up what she was telling herself by telling Stefano about seeing Charles at the Brady Pub drinking so early (the Kate/Charles scene happened earlier, and I forgot to put it in the timeline. Basically, Charles tells her that he got Maddie's safety deposit box and it was curiously empty. Kate is now relaying this to Stefano). Stefano leaves the mansion, but not before a completely adorable moment of him telling Kate that if she's talking to herself, maybe she's a little crazy.

(-3) Kate whips out the birth certificate again, and...okay, his birthdate is apparently March 03, 1990. Making him 20. He's supposed to be JUST out of high school, what even. I wouldn't be surprised if they finally start giving Casey and Molly scenes by next summer. Not that I actually want them to, but you know, I'm guessing all the Molly and Casey fans would love to see Melanie and Chad interact.

(-5) Bo asks Hope if she's going to tell Sierra that he's in the hospital, and she doesn't want Sierra to know that they almost lost Bo. (Which is why PM Hope decided that this was something she should tell Sierra while she was asleep on the couch.) Somehow, Bo is holding Hope's hand just as Carly walks in to see them. Negative points because they practically just did the same scene twice, just with Hope and Carly reversed.

----stuff I forgot to recap, but don't remember where it goes in the timeline.
(-2) The Kate/Charles scene at the pub, but I did mention it in the Kate/Stefano scene. Anyway, Charles still doesn't look too devastated over Maddie. I'm just saying. Kate's condolences are met with Charles telling her she could go to hell, and Kate still tries to be sweet and offers to donate to Maddie's charities. Charles just has this air about him that elicits negative points from me.
(+1) Adrienne runs into Philip at the Brady pub as well, I think they talk about Bo. But she mentions that someone in her building almost called the cops when he snuck in after someone opened the door. She identified him, and told her neighbor that he was just going to Daniel and Chloe's apartment - which Melanie of course overhears, and asks why he was there. He lies and says that it was while Chloe was in the hospital and she asked him to pick up some things for her. Eh, boring. But seeing Philip pick up his lying skills from Chloe is amusing.

(+5) For Philip's hair's Joey Potter tuck.
(+20) The Carver family bonus
(+3) For bringing back the "beach" setting that amuses me so much, and using it twice.
(-4) While they did bring out a lot of the higher scoring elements and gimmicks to make me go all clappy hands, they didn't actually make any storyline progress - except for Theo telling his parents about Hope's wallets, maybe, and Kate confirming that the secret is what we already suspected. Where are your transitions and deep edges?!

LMAO, so today's episode is apparently a 77 point long program. Overscored? Maybe, but IDC IDC. The sketchy beach setting, Melanie, Will/Chad scenes and THE CARVERS win with a quad in my eyes. Subjective sport. So whateva, haters:

Abe Rating

5 Happy Abes

We're easily pleased.

D is for Abe Carver

I was going to do a bit of a different style recap to spice up our Friday a bit, but immediately changed my mind when I saw a certain Mayor of Salem appear. I wanted to see how much he could affect the scoring system. Cynics and 6.0 enthusiasts would just say that I built it especially to benefit him. Well, it's Abe's world and we're all just living in it.

Today is organized a bit differently, though. I broke up the order of the episode to piece together storyline scenes, just to pretend this is a little more coherent.

(+5) Rafe calls Nicole to tell her to meet him at the pier for a huge story. But his voice is disguised and he's using a payphone, so obviously this is just one of their kinky games.
(+6) Nicole shows up at the pier and asks, "Is anyone here?" Only the ghosts of everyone who's died falling down those steps. Meanwhile, Rafe stealths his way into her room and starts rifling through her stuff. THIS is the stuff soap romances should be made of! If only the writers knew they were even WRITING a romance with them. But seriously: luring a girl out of her room to the pier where many have met their unfortunate doom, while you rifle through her underwear drawers? CAN YOU SAY "SWOON!?"
(-3) Rafe finds a picture of Sydney, and we go "AWWWWW." He wants to be a part of her life, but since he can't, he at least wants to keep her away from the D is for Dangerous Dimeras. I find it funny that he and Nicole both love Sydney and can't raise her. It could be a bonding moment. Anyway, he finds a notebooks stashed in one of her drawers and thinks it means something. I'm only doing negative points for this because, RAFAEL YOU'RE WASTING TIME BEING SENTIMENTAL.
(-2) Nicole realizes she just fell for a trap. My guess is that she's going to think EJ's going behind her back. Uh-oh. I hope this doesn't mean she's going to retaliate and drag this out even further. As much as I do enjoy Nicole vs. EJ and I think they're well-matched rivals, I'd rather move on. Maybe they can fight over Rafe's affections.
(+4) She gets back to her room, and Rafe is still in there. She realizes someone was in there because the window was left open (hey, Rafe can't do everything!). OF COURSE, she thinks it's EJ's doing. Escaping through the window? How romantic, Rafael. You and Nicole are a regular Romeo and Juliet. The Claire Danes one.
(+1) She immediately goes to her drawer to check if this super secret notebook is okay, and Rafe did leave it there. But oh-ho-ho, now he's back at the station calling in favors to check out some of the information he got from Nicole's notebook. I hope it has something to do with Rambaldi. We need a cool far-fetched fantasy/supernatural storyline.

(+10) ABE CARVER IS AT THE HOSPITAL WITH ROMAN (because of Bo's attack, obvs). EVERYTHING ELSE IS IRRELEVANT.
(+3) Carly is freaking out about Bo and Daniel tries to calm her down, and basically she's just trying not to fangirl too much over the fact that Abe Carver is still in the frame. Go ahead and keysmash, Carly! I just did!

(-1) Maggie talks to Victor on the phone and says something about a spreadsheet. This is not innuendo.

(-3) Even E.J. doesn't think Sami should trust him. And Sami is indignant that he should suggest that she has any reason to be on guard around him.
(-4) Sami tells E.J. that she wants to go watch Sydney sleep (WHAT?) and she does. She comes back to ask E.J. about a new dress she found in Syd's closet... E.J. tells her it was supposed to be a surprise because he wanted to take family portraits. OMFG this is so cheesy. Did anyone ever notice that Sami and E.J. are actually an incredibly boring couple when he's not assaulting her or they're not taking their kids away from each other? Not even boring in the, "oh, they're so uncomplicated! It's refreshing!" kind of way. It's boring in the "VOM VOM VOM. Why are we subjected to this overly cutesiness to mask the fact that they are way too complicated."

(-2) Victor tells Viv to watch a documentary about pythons in florida. She grills him about Maggie, referring to their "late night meetings" and he's like, "GURRRRL, DON'T GO THERE." IDK Victor, I really wanted to see this documentary. LIVE A LITTLE!
(+5) VIVIAN CALLS HERSELF VICTOR'S SOUL MATE. Here's the thing. I love crazy viv, and I actually sympathize that she's so unwanted. Her realization that her marriage is a complete sham was actually really sad, and it humanizes her a bit. But she's still trying to force this "relationship" and it's just weird okay. BUT SHE'S CRAZY AND I LOVE HER FOR IT.
(-1) She and victor argue. She tries to impress him with business talk, and he's thinks she's ridiculous and no1curr. At some point, she calls Maggie a redheaded cow. OOF, that's cold.

(+3) Bo wakes up while Hope tries to kill him. "What are you doing?" Oh, nothing Beauregard. Just fluffing your pillows, poisoning your IV with an air bubble. Good times, good times. It's nice to know that creepy Hope's still funny.
(-1) Carly and Dr. JoBro come back to check on him, so Hope has to slip away before she can finally finish murdering him.
(-1) And WHAT DO YOU KNOW? Bo calls Hope's name when Carly and Daniel walk in. She thinks he's trying to tell her to call Hope, while we all know that Bo just was wondering WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK she was doing in his hospital room! Before he can explain that much, his face goes all crazy, as he flatlines and crashes.
(+3) HOW DID HOPE GET OUT OF THERE SO FAST? Because she's suddenly at home. Do the Kiriakis's like live next door to the hospital?
(+1) Crazy Hope talks to a sleeping Sierra, and it's kind of sweet except for the part where she's talking about killing Sierra's father. I still think it's pretty shitty to still keep using Zac's death against Bo. Just let the kid rest in peace.
(+3) Meanwhile, at Salem U, Daniel stabilizes Bo, while Carly cries. She then decides it's time to call Hope, because she is her dying boyfriend's wife and all. Positive points for Daniel's again surprising competency at doctoring.
(-2) Hope gets the call from Carly, but she ignores it. She thinks the call means Bo told Carly that it was her, and now they're coming to get her. LMAO if that WERE the case, Hope, WHY would they call you first and give you a chance to get away. They're not Justin levels of stupid when it comes to confronting criminals, are they?
(+2) Bo is awake, but cannot seem to talk. He tries to take off his oxygen or whatever it is, and Carly is annoyed and calls him a STUBBORN MAN! He's needs to start doing his best Lassie impression to try to tell her that Hope fell down a crazy well. IDK this is kind of amusing, even though I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be.

(+3) Vivian meets with her right-hand man (whose name I forgot, because I always call him not!Ivan. Remember Ivan? He and Vivian were amaaaazing back then.) at the Brady pub. He's telling her that she's amazing and Victor doesn't appreciate her, and showing him what a strong woman she is will make him realize. Vivian's thinking more along the lines that she should WOO HIM WITH MÚSICA(!!!) by going to Chicago and picking up some of his favorites.
(-1) GUS WANTS TO KILL MAGGIE. IDK if that's actually the idea he has in mind, but he's all about not getting sad and instead getting mad and even.

(-3) Roman is being useless and getting absolutely EVERYTHING wrong (except that he deduced that it was a personal attack.)
(+9) Abe knows it's not the Dimeras. He suspected the mugger, even though the M.O. is all wrong. Bo even fits the criteria of all the attacked sirs. Basically, don't cross Abe Carver. He's the president of Salem.

(+3) After his fight with the old ball and chain of crazy, Victor shows up at the mistress's to talk "business." I'm giving them points because I actually like Victor and Maggie, but my god this needs to go somewhere. Like REAL Vivian interference. Or one of them actually making a move, instead of just discussing the fact that they have a friendship and business dealings.
(+2) Oh, somebody finally thought to call Bo's FATHER to notify him about Bo's current hospital stay. Just as Maggie was telling him that he's married, and considering Vivian's feelings on the matter, she and Victor shouldn't be friends, she then rushes to the hospital with Victor to lend her moral support. - Which leads me to wonder if we're going to have another run-in with Caroline (considering Bo's her son and all, maybe they'll think to call her?), will we have another awkward tense confrontation with her, Maggie and Victor?

Bonus points, deductions

(+20) ABE CARVER IS HERE, BEING A BAMF. HELL TO THE YES.
(-10) For the lack of fluffy hair today.
(+5) E.J.'s blinking was out of control while Sami was asking about Nicole. AMAZING.

I think that brings our total to 50 points, which is a new record! If only Philip's fluffy hair was around. I think we could have broken 60 with that. (Well, we would have, because I wouldn't have had to deduct points.)

Abe Rating

5 Happy Abes!


Abe was showing off his amazing investigative talents. I only officially go up to 5 Abes, but think of this as 10 Happy Abes.

Next week in Salem!

Justin tells Hope that Bo was attacked (lolz), Nathan tells Melanie that he and crazycakes are moving in together, and Carly asks Bo who attacked him. Let's hope there's also some progress in some of these hanging storylines, but don't count on it.

Islanded in a stream of gasoline

On today's show, we Carly, Hope and Nicole put together their Emmy reels for Salem's Craziest Bitch. Sadly, nobody tells them that is not an Emmy category.

(-3) Rafe isn't done talking to sami. and since last night, i have found out that YESTERDAY, she was dropping off his mail and telling him that she wants to permanently move in with E.J. because Marlena's selling her property. Rafe kisses her, and clearly this is another one of Sami's dreams. Why does Sami think Rafe needs to make a move. He's not the one living with bb!Elvis. IDK, though, you guys. I thought he was pretty clearly discouraged by that when he came back. They both need to find some balls, jfc.

(-4) Chloe shows up at the hospital and asks Carly about the paternity test. Carly reminds her that she'll keep her mouth shut if it's Daniel's. And I already know that there will be no new developments in this story today. They will probably have the same conversation they've been having for days.

(+5) Hope douses Bo in gasoline and thinks that she'll be at peace somehow after this. Daniel, for some reason, is at Bo's door. This is exactly what is happening, I don't know how I can exaggerate this, because it is so random. Points for leaving me baffled.

(+3) New plan: next time I discuss my damning secrets on the Salem pier, I'm just going to call out, "You can come out now, I know you're listening!" Just to see if that would draw anyone out. Because Rafe is hiding behind a pathetic bush while Nicole and E.J. talk about their secrets and assume nobody can hear them. Then they leave, and Rafe follows. RIVETING.

(+1) Hope cries and stares at a picture of her, Bo and Sierra and takes a little time for self-reflection before lighting a match. How poignant.

(+3) Ooh, Dickole scene. Points for my favorite ship name in a scene. Nicole tells him that they're in the clear for framing Ari, now that EJ has to set her free. Meaning, haaaa. This will probably blow up in her face, even though I actually kind of hope it won't.

(-3) As Sami chastises herself for thinking Rafe could possibly be in love with her (I can't.), there's a knock at the door. And what do you know, it's actually Rafe at the door. A+ for a psychic dream from Sami, even though she ALWAYS dreams about Rafe showing up and making out with her. I hope this means she actually has the Power of the Standish women ... another possession-type storyline would be fun. But I mean, really Sami. There's a reason you're always dreaming about Rafe, while you have to keep convincing yourself that you could spend your life with E.J. (And that reason is that you belong with Lucas, but since the writers ruined that, you should stick with Rafe, because you just really need a nice guy, okay.)

(-1) Carly is at fault for all of Chloe's lies! Chloe, it's not her fault that you can't tell believable lies. The thing about Carly agreeing to keep Chloe's secret is that even Chloe doesn't appreciate it! She should have told when she had the chance, because when it all comes out, Melanie AND Daniel are going to ~hate~ her. And I'll be annoyed, not because people hate Carly, but because we've already played the Melanie hates Carly thing.

(+4) Daniel finds Bo, and has at least figured out that he smells like gas. I was not sure he would understand that much. Points for him defying my expectations.

(-2) Rafe comes around the Dimera mansion asking Sami about E.J. Basically, he and E.J. should get married. He tells Sami about Nicole and E.J.'s secret truce, and judging from her huffing, she won't believe that E.J. is ACTUALLY up to something.

(-2) Chloe says that this has all just gotten way out of hand. YOU THINK? Carly is sympathetic-ish. And Chloe isn't shrieking at her. But much like our current version of Hope PM, she isn't exactly consistent in her attitude toward Carly. It's all self-wallowing and then she turns around and says that Carly did something...or something. Ah yes, apparently it's Carly's fault for keeping Chloe's secret and letting her spin a sticky web of lies and postponing her wedding to Daniel. Girl, it's all for the best. Would you really have wanted to marry Daniel in a church, and then when it all inevitably goes south, have to get yet ANOTHER annulment. I didn't know the church handed them out like candy, to be honest. Well, on soaps they do.

(+6) Dickole bid farewell to each other. The end of a beautiful relationship, truly. But I'll give them points because Nicole was really cute in the way she just kind of skipped off like the world was sunshine and rainbows. Basically, this blog is just a way for me to praise everything that Nicole does these days. Whatever, she's entertaining as hell. And at least she KNOWS what she wants and goes after it.

(+3) Sirens surround Bo's house as Daniel tries to keep his poor heart beating. Hope seems to have decided against shooting them, and I'm just wondering if her bumpit hair is big enough to conceal her tiny-ass gun.

(+2) Carly continues to blame herself for the global warming that is responsible for Chloe's tan. Oh, and for Vivian setting up Chloe. But come on, Carly. Vivian is crazy. That's what makes her fabulous. I'm going to need a chart of who blames whom for what problem at any given time of the day. Points, because I would love a Melanie and her two mommies (Chloe and Carly) craft hour where they make this chart.

(+1) Carly is called away to the ER, and I'm waiting for Chloe to curse Carly for leaving her to fend for herself against her own thoughts. ... I'll give her positive GOE here, because she refrained from doing so.

(-1) Sami implies that Rafe is having an affair with his 12-year-old secretary. The old Sami would have planted evidence. She is so lime green jello.

(+1) OMG CHLOE IS GOING TO KILL FATHER MATT. Okay, no she's not. But she wants him to stomach ANOTHER one of her confessions. Have some mercy on the priest, before even HE wants to throw himself down the four or five steps. I'll give her credit for getting my hopes up. I usually don't even bother hoping for something exciting from diva.

(+6) I like that they're meeting on the pier, though, so soon after Nicole, E.J. and stealth!Rafe left. Because I'd like to think it perpetuates the notion that Nadia is out to steal Alison Sweeney/Sami's men via "Eclipse"! (Did you SEE THE TWITTER DRAMA OVER THIS? On whose team are you? Do you believe that Nadia is trainwreck ho who should get lost? Or would you RATHER watch this version of that storyline. Hmm. Decisions.)

(-2) At some point, Roman shows up at Bo's with a few EMTs and says that they got an anonymous tip. Hope realizes that Dick called the cops to stop her from killing Bo. Girl is pissed, but I'm not getting any hilarious soundbites from her like she's been delivering for the past few days. Sad.

(-1) LOL at the hospital, Bo is shirtless. And this is the first form of half-nakedness we get in two days. I don't know what kind of kinks the writers have, but unconscious, hairy, dying dude is not hot.

(+2) Carly runs in and freaks out on Daniel to save him. I want to go to the med school where screaming and shouting is a form of saving lives. Anyway, Daniel wants them to screen Bo for toxins, which means he's used deductive reasoning and didn't just assume Bo passed out for fun. Good for him. See, this is what I'm saying. They guys on this show are so stupid around women. Daniel is usually dense as hell.

· (Sidenote, if I were writing the show like I think the writers write the show. I would assume that Bo's probably going to call Hope's name when he wakes up, and people [Carly] are going to believe it's because he wants/loves Hope. Yeah, that's more or less true, but this is Days, so nobody's going to realize that he's implicating Hope in the crime.)

(-1) EJ comes home, and Sami is tense. Ugh, negative point because I don't care.

(+3) RAFE AND NICOLE AT THE BRADY PUB AT THE SAME TIME. IT'S FATE! THEY ARE SO IN LOVE NOW, RIGHT? He's looking at her with suspicion. This means that by Christmas, they'll be engaged. Yes, please.

(+3) Hope is fuh-reaking out, because Bo can I.D. her as the culprit. She's like SCREAMING at Dick and stuff. She's breaking Dick's heart in the process, because now she has to finish the job before Bo gets her caught. But Dick just wants to run away with each other. Islands in the stream and all. Oh, and the fact that if Hope gets caught, he's had a pretty heavy hand in all her crimes. So, there's that. I give Dick extra points for his little speech that was pretty much "I'm a terrible person, mugging people was fun, but murder is scurry and I can tell you're just an angry woman so I won't let you fall into the dark abyss of soullessness!"

(+3) And Carly is still fuh-reaking out and screaming at Daniel to save Bo. LMAO Bo doesn't even look like he's going to die. He's just unconscious. I don't know. But man, his women are CRAZY. He sure knows how to pick 'em. Let's bring back Billie now, and see if she can fully rotate a hissy fit. With Hope's two personalities, Carly, and a random appearance by Billie, Bo's love life could be a quad flip of crazy. Where do I start the campaign for Billie to show up for two seconds?

(+5) And not to be outdone by crazy brunettes, Nicole yells at someone on the phone about a car getting towed. Rafe looks on. He's probably turned on, but the writers won't admit it.

(-4) Chloe wants Father Matt to tell her that she's horrible. I do too, but he won't. Basically, he knows she doesn't want his help and that she just wants him to keep his mouth shut. All he wants from her is probably a long vacation, and maybe aspirin.

(-2) Hope shows up at the hospital to finish the job. She watches Daniel and Carly remind us that we're all confused as to why they say she's with Bo, when she and Daniel spend a lot more time together and make a more convincing couple. I still don't even know why Daniel was even at Bo's. Lolz.

(-2) Sami tells EJ that since her mother is selling her townhouse, she wants to stay at the Dimera mansion permanently. Seriously, she used to live on her own and do just fine. Since she was going on about all the perks of the Dimera mansion to Rafe - there's always someone there to help her, the kids have both their parents at home, Will lives there - does that mean she can actually get a job? Because girl needs a backup plan, for when she inevitably (and six months too late) finds out that E.J., while he probably does care about his kids and shit, is bad news.

(+3) In a charming new development, she confronts E.J. about Rafe. He says "Trust me." and she hears everybody she knows telling her not to. She decides to listen to E.J. instead. Maybe it's the accent. She wants to confront Nicole and tell her, "Leave us alone! I know everything!" But we all know that Sami does not, in fact, know what Nicole knows. E.J. also knows that, so he humors Sami, but then tells her that there's no reason to talk to Nicole. Because Nicole is the crazy one who no one can trust, right? I'm giving E.J. points because I love his paranoia. But come on, I love how Sami is okay with trusting E.J. but doesn't think Nicole could ever tell the truth. Nicole just wants her man, okay. At least she's open about it. I have no idea what Sami and E.J. want, so that makes them a little more dangerous in my mind.

(+10) Rafe has his new bartender friend (his bro-tender?) spill Worcestershire sauce on Nicole, probably to get her shirt off. This is how all the best pornos start. (Note from @feelingamazing: "AND NICOLE WOULD KNOW!" OHHHH SNAP! HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND! YESSS.)

(-1) No, Rafe just wants to snoop through her stuff. Boring. He probably thought about the porn scenario though.

(+3) Hope whispers sweet nothings about killing him to an unconscious Bo. And I think every day this week has ended in Bo and Hope so far. Am I wrong? I think Tuesday might have been Daniel and Chloe. But man, with the amount of screentime Hope's story is getting, the writers are trying to convince me they're actually going somewhere with this!

Bonus points and deductions

(-5) All this Sami drama AND Chad killing his mom drama this week, and no Will. I realized this and it made me sad.
(+8) Aside from Bo in the hospital, there has been no gratuitous nudity in two days. But I'm giving them the points, because the porniest scene was Rafe and Nicole.
(-20) for no Carvers. But sidenote: good for Salem for reminding me that, even though I joke about Lexie being the only doctor, they've actually been loading the cast with doctors recently. I'm waiting to find out that Melanie is a medical prodigy like her big bro Max, even though they're not biologically related.

Today's grand total is 21 points, and I think I added that all properly. We fared slightly better than yesterday, even though I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it (okay, really mostly Nicole.) way more than the score reflects. But this just goes to show that the little things add up. Factor that, and the lack of many high scoring elements - namely Philip's hair, Abe Carver, or a quad - it just goes to show that you can't afford to make little mistakes in the long program.

· Abe Rating

3 Happy Abes

While the Carvers were, once again, poorly represented, Abe is happy because Nicole is somehow like sunshine on this show. Plus, isn't he Nicole's brother's biological father? So they're practically family!

Thank Salem It's Friday

BO'S CRASHING! Nicole spies a trap! Something else that I don't quite remember!