Islanded in a stream of gasoline

On today's show, we Carly, Hope and Nicole put together their Emmy reels for Salem's Craziest Bitch. Sadly, nobody tells them that is not an Emmy category.

(-3) Rafe isn't done talking to sami. and since last night, i have found out that YESTERDAY, she was dropping off his mail and telling him that she wants to permanently move in with E.J. because Marlena's selling her property. Rafe kisses her, and clearly this is another one of Sami's dreams. Why does Sami think Rafe needs to make a move. He's not the one living with bb!Elvis. IDK, though, you guys. I thought he was pretty clearly discouraged by that when he came back. They both need to find some balls, jfc.

(-4) Chloe shows up at the hospital and asks Carly about the paternity test. Carly reminds her that she'll keep her mouth shut if it's Daniel's. And I already know that there will be no new developments in this story today. They will probably have the same conversation they've been having for days.

(+5) Hope douses Bo in gasoline and thinks that she'll be at peace somehow after this. Daniel, for some reason, is at Bo's door. This is exactly what is happening, I don't know how I can exaggerate this, because it is so random. Points for leaving me baffled.

(+3) New plan: next time I discuss my damning secrets on the Salem pier, I'm just going to call out, "You can come out now, I know you're listening!" Just to see if that would draw anyone out. Because Rafe is hiding behind a pathetic bush while Nicole and E.J. talk about their secrets and assume nobody can hear them. Then they leave, and Rafe follows. RIVETING.

(+1) Hope cries and stares at a picture of her, Bo and Sierra and takes a little time for self-reflection before lighting a match. How poignant.

(+3) Ooh, Dickole scene. Points for my favorite ship name in a scene. Nicole tells him that they're in the clear for framing Ari, now that EJ has to set her free. Meaning, haaaa. This will probably blow up in her face, even though I actually kind of hope it won't.

(-3) As Sami chastises herself for thinking Rafe could possibly be in love with her (I can't.), there's a knock at the door. And what do you know, it's actually Rafe at the door. A+ for a psychic dream from Sami, even though she ALWAYS dreams about Rafe showing up and making out with her. I hope this means she actually has the Power of the Standish women ... another possession-type storyline would be fun. But I mean, really Sami. There's a reason you're always dreaming about Rafe, while you have to keep convincing yourself that you could spend your life with E.J. (And that reason is that you belong with Lucas, but since the writers ruined that, you should stick with Rafe, because you just really need a nice guy, okay.)

(-1) Carly is at fault for all of Chloe's lies! Chloe, it's not her fault that you can't tell believable lies. The thing about Carly agreeing to keep Chloe's secret is that even Chloe doesn't appreciate it! She should have told when she had the chance, because when it all comes out, Melanie AND Daniel are going to ~hate~ her. And I'll be annoyed, not because people hate Carly, but because we've already played the Melanie hates Carly thing.

(+4) Daniel finds Bo, and has at least figured out that he smells like gas. I was not sure he would understand that much. Points for him defying my expectations.

(-2) Rafe comes around the Dimera mansion asking Sami about E.J. Basically, he and E.J. should get married. He tells Sami about Nicole and E.J.'s secret truce, and judging from her huffing, she won't believe that E.J. is ACTUALLY up to something.

(-2) Chloe says that this has all just gotten way out of hand. YOU THINK? Carly is sympathetic-ish. And Chloe isn't shrieking at her. But much like our current version of Hope PM, she isn't exactly consistent in her attitude toward Carly. It's all self-wallowing and then she turns around and says that Carly did something...or something. Ah yes, apparently it's Carly's fault for keeping Chloe's secret and letting her spin a sticky web of lies and postponing her wedding to Daniel. Girl, it's all for the best. Would you really have wanted to marry Daniel in a church, and then when it all inevitably goes south, have to get yet ANOTHER annulment. I didn't know the church handed them out like candy, to be honest. Well, on soaps they do.

(+6) Dickole bid farewell to each other. The end of a beautiful relationship, truly. But I'll give them points because Nicole was really cute in the way she just kind of skipped off like the world was sunshine and rainbows. Basically, this blog is just a way for me to praise everything that Nicole does these days. Whatever, she's entertaining as hell. And at least she KNOWS what she wants and goes after it.

(+3) Sirens surround Bo's house as Daniel tries to keep his poor heart beating. Hope seems to have decided against shooting them, and I'm just wondering if her bumpit hair is big enough to conceal her tiny-ass gun.

(+2) Carly continues to blame herself for the global warming that is responsible for Chloe's tan. Oh, and for Vivian setting up Chloe. But come on, Carly. Vivian is crazy. That's what makes her fabulous. I'm going to need a chart of who blames whom for what problem at any given time of the day. Points, because I would love a Melanie and her two mommies (Chloe and Carly) craft hour where they make this chart.

(+1) Carly is called away to the ER, and I'm waiting for Chloe to curse Carly for leaving her to fend for herself against her own thoughts. ... I'll give her positive GOE here, because she refrained from doing so.

(-1) Sami implies that Rafe is having an affair with his 12-year-old secretary. The old Sami would have planted evidence. She is so lime green jello.

(+1) OMG CHLOE IS GOING TO KILL FATHER MATT. Okay, no she's not. But she wants him to stomach ANOTHER one of her confessions. Have some mercy on the priest, before even HE wants to throw himself down the four or five steps. I'll give her credit for getting my hopes up. I usually don't even bother hoping for something exciting from diva.

(+6) I like that they're meeting on the pier, though, so soon after Nicole, E.J. and stealth!Rafe left. Because I'd like to think it perpetuates the notion that Nadia is out to steal Alison Sweeney/Sami's men via "Eclipse"! (Did you SEE THE TWITTER DRAMA OVER THIS? On whose team are you? Do you believe that Nadia is trainwreck ho who should get lost? Or would you RATHER watch this version of that storyline. Hmm. Decisions.)

(-2) At some point, Roman shows up at Bo's with a few EMTs and says that they got an anonymous tip. Hope realizes that Dick called the cops to stop her from killing Bo. Girl is pissed, but I'm not getting any hilarious soundbites from her like she's been delivering for the past few days. Sad.

(-1) LOL at the hospital, Bo is shirtless. And this is the first form of half-nakedness we get in two days. I don't know what kind of kinks the writers have, but unconscious, hairy, dying dude is not hot.

(+2) Carly runs in and freaks out on Daniel to save him. I want to go to the med school where screaming and shouting is a form of saving lives. Anyway, Daniel wants them to screen Bo for toxins, which means he's used deductive reasoning and didn't just assume Bo passed out for fun. Good for him. See, this is what I'm saying. They guys on this show are so stupid around women. Daniel is usually dense as hell.

· (Sidenote, if I were writing the show like I think the writers write the show. I would assume that Bo's probably going to call Hope's name when he wakes up, and people [Carly] are going to believe it's because he wants/loves Hope. Yeah, that's more or less true, but this is Days, so nobody's going to realize that he's implicating Hope in the crime.)

(-1) EJ comes home, and Sami is tense. Ugh, negative point because I don't care.

(+3) RAFE AND NICOLE AT THE BRADY PUB AT THE SAME TIME. IT'S FATE! THEY ARE SO IN LOVE NOW, RIGHT? He's looking at her with suspicion. This means that by Christmas, they'll be engaged. Yes, please.

(+3) Hope is fuh-reaking out, because Bo can I.D. her as the culprit. She's like SCREAMING at Dick and stuff. She's breaking Dick's heart in the process, because now she has to finish the job before Bo gets her caught. But Dick just wants to run away with each other. Islands in the stream and all. Oh, and the fact that if Hope gets caught, he's had a pretty heavy hand in all her crimes. So, there's that. I give Dick extra points for his little speech that was pretty much "I'm a terrible person, mugging people was fun, but murder is scurry and I can tell you're just an angry woman so I won't let you fall into the dark abyss of soullessness!"

(+3) And Carly is still fuh-reaking out and screaming at Daniel to save Bo. LMAO Bo doesn't even look like he's going to die. He's just unconscious. I don't know. But man, his women are CRAZY. He sure knows how to pick 'em. Let's bring back Billie now, and see if she can fully rotate a hissy fit. With Hope's two personalities, Carly, and a random appearance by Billie, Bo's love life could be a quad flip of crazy. Where do I start the campaign for Billie to show up for two seconds?

(+5) And not to be outdone by crazy brunettes, Nicole yells at someone on the phone about a car getting towed. Rafe looks on. He's probably turned on, but the writers won't admit it.

(-4) Chloe wants Father Matt to tell her that she's horrible. I do too, but he won't. Basically, he knows she doesn't want his help and that she just wants him to keep his mouth shut. All he wants from her is probably a long vacation, and maybe aspirin.

(-2) Hope shows up at the hospital to finish the job. She watches Daniel and Carly remind us that we're all confused as to why they say she's with Bo, when she and Daniel spend a lot more time together and make a more convincing couple. I still don't even know why Daniel was even at Bo's. Lolz.

(-2) Sami tells EJ that since her mother is selling her townhouse, she wants to stay at the Dimera mansion permanently. Seriously, she used to live on her own and do just fine. Since she was going on about all the perks of the Dimera mansion to Rafe - there's always someone there to help her, the kids have both their parents at home, Will lives there - does that mean she can actually get a job? Because girl needs a backup plan, for when she inevitably (and six months too late) finds out that E.J., while he probably does care about his kids and shit, is bad news.

(+3) In a charming new development, she confronts E.J. about Rafe. He says "Trust me." and she hears everybody she knows telling her not to. She decides to listen to E.J. instead. Maybe it's the accent. She wants to confront Nicole and tell her, "Leave us alone! I know everything!" But we all know that Sami does not, in fact, know what Nicole knows. E.J. also knows that, so he humors Sami, but then tells her that there's no reason to talk to Nicole. Because Nicole is the crazy one who no one can trust, right? I'm giving E.J. points because I love his paranoia. But come on, I love how Sami is okay with trusting E.J. but doesn't think Nicole could ever tell the truth. Nicole just wants her man, okay. At least she's open about it. I have no idea what Sami and E.J. want, so that makes them a little more dangerous in my mind.

(+10) Rafe has his new bartender friend (his bro-tender?) spill Worcestershire sauce on Nicole, probably to get her shirt off. This is how all the best pornos start. (Note from @feelingamazing: "AND NICOLE WOULD KNOW!" OHHHH SNAP! HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND! YESSS.)

(-1) No, Rafe just wants to snoop through her stuff. Boring. He probably thought about the porn scenario though.

(+3) Hope whispers sweet nothings about killing him to an unconscious Bo. And I think every day this week has ended in Bo and Hope so far. Am I wrong? I think Tuesday might have been Daniel and Chloe. But man, with the amount of screentime Hope's story is getting, the writers are trying to convince me they're actually going somewhere with this!

Bonus points and deductions

(-5) All this Sami drama AND Chad killing his mom drama this week, and no Will. I realized this and it made me sad.
(+8) Aside from Bo in the hospital, there has been no gratuitous nudity in two days. But I'm giving them the points, because the porniest scene was Rafe and Nicole.
(-20) for no Carvers. But sidenote: good for Salem for reminding me that, even though I joke about Lexie being the only doctor, they've actually been loading the cast with doctors recently. I'm waiting to find out that Melanie is a medical prodigy like her big bro Max, even though they're not biologically related.

Today's grand total is 21 points, and I think I added that all properly. We fared slightly better than yesterday, even though I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it (okay, really mostly Nicole.) way more than the score reflects. But this just goes to show that the little things add up. Factor that, and the lack of many high scoring elements - namely Philip's hair, Abe Carver, or a quad - it just goes to show that you can't afford to make little mistakes in the long program.

· Abe Rating

3 Happy Abes

While the Carvers were, once again, poorly represented, Abe is happy because Nicole is somehow like sunshine on this show. Plus, isn't he Nicole's brother's biological father? So they're practically family!

Thank Salem It's Friday

BO'S CRASHING! Nicole spies a trap! Something else that I don't quite remember!