Wouldn't it save time (and a little shoe leather) if Salem just hosted a star-studded telethon?

I wasn't going to do a recap of yesterday's episode, but as I was watching this morning (come on, with the promise of Rafe/Nicole, I couldn't RESIST), I thought "Why not?!" It's not scored, but there's Abe flail and the obvious Rafe/Nicole freak-out. Today's recap (Thursday, I mean.) will be posted after airing today.

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Nicole's pat-down gone awry ends up with Nicole in Rafe's lap. She wants to hang around there for a moment or two, and that's fine with him. AND OMFG THEY KISS AND MY WORLD MAKES SENSE. OMG ARIANNA, YOU COCKBLOCKERRRRRR. She starts yelling at Rafe and wonders how Nicole gets men to just fall into her arms. Nicole replies, "Technically, I fell into his arms..." Ari thinks this is all about Sami, and Nicole so astutely points out that Sami's not there. (Sidenote: apparently it's the middle of the day here, too. OMG DAYS, get your short-term timeline together.) Ari thinks that he wants to get caught by Sami to make her jealous and admit she loves him. Rafe tells her it's none of her business, and Ari decides she needs a drink. Seriously. Get one, Ari. I know you hate Nicole and have good reason to, but this is the greatest thing in my life right now and I can't have you ruining it! Nicole asks if Ari was right about Rafe's intentions, and he tries to make Nicole feel better while his sister looks on in disgust. He says he and Nicole were thrown out like trash by their respective lovers. Nicole calls Rafe the PERFECT GUY. fdjojdjfdjoijoijfdoi. DEAD DEAD DEAD. Nicole doesn't know what to believe, and Rafe thinks she's been drinking too much. And they leave together. MY GHOST IS DYING.

Hope wants justice done, and Bo says, YES! Justice will be served. Julie continues to blame Bo for the destruction of Hope's life because apparently, Hope was never a relatively independent, capable woman, so how DARE Bo abandon her when she MOVES OUT OF THE HOUSE. Julie is going to drive me to Hope's crazy pills, I just know it. Meanwhile, Adrienne and Justin talk at the pub about Hope, which somehow segues into what they once were [Adrienne, just send him far, far away, please?]. Before it starts, ABE CARVER PRESIDENT OF SALEM (SHOW SOME RESPECT) walks into the courtroom for Hope's hearing. Justin too, but no1curr about him. With the addition of character witnesses, the prosecution wants to withdraw the original deal for a 10-year sentence and get her the full 30-year penalty for her crimes. Oh, also Arianna walks into the courtroom around this time.

In all randomness, Brady visits his mother's tomb, and it's actually kind of sad.

Sami and EJ kiss their way toward a bedroom, WHILE SON WATCHES THEM. EWWWWW. After getting caught almost FORNICATING in front of her son, Sami picks up Johnny's penguin toy and thinks of Rafe. LOLLLLL. That has to be a boner-killer for Elvis. Sami continues to kiss EJ to forget about Rafe, and EJ says they don't have to sleep together yet. Sami wants to ~wait until their wedding night to have sex (again), and EJ is apparently all for it. Oh EJ how you've grown, I remark in a flat tone.

Justin gives his testimony about Hope's character~ and doesn't believe she should go free, but thinks Salem needs her to get treatment. In the words of Abe fucking Carver, Hope is truly one of Salem's finest. He believes he'll be victim again if his friend is buried by the system. Arianna doesn't want the system to treat Hope differently than it would treat her. Hope has to pay for her crimes! Just before the judge makes her decision, the defense calls Bo to the stand. Bo says he's just as responsible as Hope for her crimes. Then he proceeds to blame the crazy pills. Hope is sentenced to two years with visitation rights, so she can see her daughter and get psychiatric help. Hope seems to be relieved about a way lighter sentence than her original deal, even though she was so stubborn about making sure she's fairly punished. Bo apologizes for not doing more, but now Julie thinks he saved the day. Take off your crazy person wig, woman. Make up your mind!

Everyone hugs Hope after the trial, INCLUDING ABE CARVER. LUCKY BITCH. Bo gives Hope a speech that's probably about being there for her and stuff. But IDK, because I'm kind of done with this storyline, since it's sort of kind of resolved. Now let's just get to the part where the show has to pretend Bo and Carly are together still, so we can resolve THAT too.

Sami goes to the pub looking for Caroline, but spots Brady drinking. Oh, I'm sure this will be just...lovely. She asks about Brady's beer and Brady asks about her engagement ring. The most mature adult step-sibling discussion ever, you guys. Brady is "celebrating" being done with Nicole and tells Sami that she is not so different than the woman. Sami's addiction isn't LIES like Nicole, it is EJ DIMERA! Sami thinks Brady is worse than her grandma and dad put together, and he LIKES them, so he thinks it's good company to be in. He tells Sami that when he left town a few years ago, she was a spoiled-rotten brat (Sami: "Pot, meet Kettle!"), but he came back and she was all new and improved after meeting RAAAAFE, and she screwed it up. Brady tells her to have a beer on him, because she's gonna need it marrying into the Dimeras. Sami leaves Rafe a message as she's leaving the pub. She runs into Arianna, and asks about her brother's whereabouts. Ari got the firsthand show of Rafecole of Our Lives and THEN got to see Hope practically let off the hook for her crimes. So I"m guessing she's a little bitter right now when she tells Sami that he's probably at Nicole's place RIGHT NOW. Sami takes this the wrong way, obviously, because she thinks Rafe is arresting Nicole and she HAS to see this. Sami, you are so juvenile, lol. Arresting her for WHAT, exactly?

Rafe gets Nicole to her apartment, and kisses her as they stumble to her door. She asks Rafe what he wants, and he says he USED to know and talks about Sami and Sydney. Nicole invites Rafe inside. Nicole pours drinks for herself and Rafe. "You know what's weird?" "That I'm still standing?" They talk about Sydney, and she's trying to let her go since she can't be part of her life anymore. He ignores a call from Sami, and Nicole thinks it's work, so she wonders if he's supposed to do that. FBI guys need a break too. Nicole is smart, even when drunk. She knows there's something going on here that she doesn't know. Rafe calls her uncomplicated (HA!), but gives her credit for not pretending like she doesn't lie. Rafe says he's always felt a little spark ~there with Nicole (if only...). She asks if he ~likes her, and he says, "WHY NOT!" She says he's going to have to prove he's not lying by getting naked. Nicole senses Rafe's hesitation, and maybe he doesn't want her as bad as she thinks he does. He tells her to think again, and proceeds to strip for her. OMG LOL.