(-2) Hope's public defender doesn't understand why she didn't get a better lawyer, and Hope insists it would be a waste of time and money, since she's going to jail. Bo protests this. Hope doesn't want to keep discussing this. She plead guilty, it's over! She needs to pay! But Bo aks if Sierra should have to pay, too. Bo says Sierra needs Hope, but Hope thinks Demon Child is better off without her. Bo calls her a COWARD. OMFG. (+3 LOL points) Doug decides to take Bo for a walk, and apparently they're trusting JULIE to reason with her? (-1) Because JULIE was so reasonable last week. And she's still blaming Bo for everything. Classy bitch. (-1) Julie tells Hope that she's lost her way, and they'll help her find her way back. But they can't throw everything away! Doug, Julie and Bo have another conference about Hope, then Bo talks to her public defender. Hope has doubts about what Bo is up to, and Doug and Julie think she should trust him. He comes back and announces to Hope that there's been a change of plans. GASP. I haven't been hating this story lately, but bah. Nothing even happened today. (-1)
(+4) Shady guy starts choking Melanie when Nathan runs in. He gets in a rather uneventful fight with Pat Monahan (or random hobo, drug addict, common criminal, take your pick either way -5 for being gross), but injures his arm in the process. The guy runs away. Come on, no knife? Nathan checks up on Melanie to make sure she's okay after being nearly strangled, and they're touching and this would be an opportune moment for Philip to walk in for maximum awkwardness. She'll have bruises on her neck, but no permanent damage so I don't have to cut a bitch. (+1) She notes that the guy was obviously not very strong, but Nathan says the strangler was able to take HIM down. So what we learn is that Melanie is clearly tougher than Nathan. (+2) Melanie asks about Nathan's arm. He says it's fine, but Melanie knows he wouldn't admit if it was that bad anyway. She tells him to get an X-ray, he calls her Dr. Melanie(+1) , and she corrects him - "Dr. Kiriakis." (+1) Snap. They've had enough of the clinic in the ghetto for a day, and he offers to take Melanie home. Just outside of the Brady pub, Melanie tells Nathan she can get the rest of the way alone. Score one for independent Melanie. Free bitch, baby. (+4)
(-2) Back at Stephanie's humble abode, Ian tries to get the paternity test results but is creeped out by hacking into a hospital computer with the blessed mother staring at him. (LOL +3) Stephanie continues to freak out because Chloe's baby is important to her very existence. (-1) Ian gets through the firewall, and finds Dana Scott's file, but the results aren't in. Not GOOD enough for Miss Teen Pageant Racecar Driver Girl! Ian explains there may be a backup at the lab, and Stephanie curses! (-1) Nathan chooses such a time to arrive home, and he is confused at the scene he has happened upon. "What's going on? Who the hell are you?" This is how to politely greet guests in your home. Etiquette lessons from the young Dr. Horton. (+3) Nathan apologizes for being rude, as he's on edge because of the clinic attack. He excuses himself to take a shower. Boo, show this part instead of Stephanie. Anyway, before Ian leaves, he says that a girl as pretty and as smart as Stephanie shouldn't have to fight to keep anyone. (+1) Thank you, creepy Ian. Yet another person who doesn't understand why she's so desperate to keep Nathan. But according to Stephanie, Ian doesn't understand. Stephanie LOVES Nathan. Psycho.
(-3) Stephanie freaks out when she learns that Nathan was just with Melanie. He explains that the guy tried to strangle Red, and Stephanie jokes that the guy must know her well. Yes, Stephanie - a victim of rape, who was also kidnapped and rescued by MELANIE - is joking about Melanie being attacked. (-4) Classy. NATHAN IS NOT AMUSED. Stephanie is an actual bitch. She goes on about how everything turned out okay, blah blah blah, before she tells Nathan to get an X-ray, and then looks worriedly at her computer.
(+2) While Stefano goes on about how what if Rafe or Sami find out that Elvis arranged Sydney's kidnapping, Sami walks in and confusedly asks what he said. Sami says she overheard Stefano talking about EJ keeping Sydney away from Sami. Stefano tries to talk himself out of it (LMAO +4), and Sami tells him let EJ answer! Because THAT's how you'll get a straight answer. For sure. Fo' sho! (-2) IDK, I'm only paying attention to the background because Lexie walks into the mansion and greets and hugs Stefano! Lexie!!! (+3) She's there to hear EJ saying that he just wants to give Sami some time away from Sydney after the wedding, and he wants to ~occupy some of her time. Or something like that. (-1) But yes, Lexie hears this, and is shocked to hear they're getting married. Lexie is pure class, so she congratulates them, and jokingly says she's worried about Sami considering who her in-laws will be. (+2 whatever, she was cute) She offers to help Sami with the wedding, and Sami jokes about prescribing her family sedatives. (+1 okay Sami, I'll give you this one.)
(-1) Once they're alone, Lexie tells E.J. she's happy for him. I would get mad at Lexie for not seeing how stupid this is, but 1) she's a Carver and 2) she's telling E.J. how proud she is of him for getting what he wants and turning his life around, but now he's looking kind of guilty. Yeah, you should feel bad for getting undeserved words of kindness from Lexie Carver. (-1) Lexie believes in EJ and shit, but she's worried about Rafe. (+3 for juxtaposition of this scene being followed by a Rafe and Nicole scene.) Lexie hopes EJ is right about Rafe, and EJ says he and Sami are m2b. (VOM. -2) Meanwhile, Stefano is alone with Same tells her he was wrong about her or something and tries to hug her. LOL. (+2) Sami obnoxiously interrupts EJ and Lexie, and announces that Stefano was actually nice to her. OMFG, WOW SAMI. Lexie thinks if Stefano can actually be nice to Sami, maybe he'll let Lexie talk him into diet and exercise. Once in the privacy of the Dimera foyer, Lexie discusses her doubts with Stefano, and thinks there's more to the engagement than what's being said. Stefano hopes that with the marriage, the past will just go away. (+4 juxtaposition points because they cut to Nicole asking why Rafe is dwelling in the past..) After Lexie leaves, Sami rambles and EJ kisses her and shuts her up. Oh, look, I stopped paying attention. (-3 because I'm sure it was gross)
(+5) Nicole cries at the bar (-1 for anybody making Nicole cry), while Rafe lurks and creeps on her from outside. jositfjofjiot :DDDD He jokes about always meeting like this, and she tells him to go away. IT'S LOVE. Rafe apologizes for the way he acted last time with Nicole, and wants a chance to make it up to her. She refuses, throwing her drink in his face. (+2) Nicole wants to be left alone, but Rafe at least offers to buy her a drink to replace the one she threw. She can buy her own drink though, and as she's gathering up the contents of her purse, Rafe spots the missing CD recording of EJ's confession. (+4) As Rafe walks away, OMG this creepy guy at the bar recognizes Nicole from porn. HE CALLS HER MISTY, HER PORN NAME! I AM DYING DYING DYING. (+4) Ew, gross, tho. He's hitting on her and calling his friend about his favorite porn star (-2), and Nicole is mortified. (Sadface for Nicole. -2) Rafe threatens him to apologize and get the hell out. KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. (+2) Poor Nicole is crying again. (SERIOUSLY? :( -2)
(+10) Rafe apologizes again for the way he treated Nicole, and she thanks him for helping her. Nicole and Rafe bond over drinks (+2) and loving EJ and Sami, but not being able to make it work. Rafe tells Nicole about how unfair it is that she did everything for E.J. and now he's acting ~sanctimonious and he's marrying Sami? WHAT. A JERK, THAT EJ. Nicole sarcastically calls EJ a Prince. (+1) Rafe says Sami thinks he's obsessed with Elvis, and seeing evil where there isn't because HE'S just JEALOUS. LOL, Nicole thinks the same thing we're all thinking - JFC, REALLY SAMI? (-5 for Sami, but +3 for Nicole) She feels bad for him, and says the next round of drinks is on her. Rafe tells Nicole all about what he and Sami went through when Sydney went missing, and Nicole starts to feel guilty - especially at the part where EJ made Sami believe Sydney was dead. He asks Nicole to tell him that EJ's a good guy, but she knows she can't honestly say that. (+1 THANK YOU) Nicole wonders why Rafe keeps bringing up the past. Nicole says Rafe's not normal, he's FBI. And then wonders if he's on the job. ARE YOU WEARING A WIRE? She keeps trying to look down Rafe's shirt, and he asks if she wants to frisk him. (OH MY GOD. +5) Nicole makes Rafe stand up, because she is about to give rafe a proper pat-down like she learned in prison. Before she can, she stumbles drunkenly onto him and they fall into his chair and she's right in his lap. (OMG OMG OMG +5, but I do have to subtract points, because officially, Rafe's just playing her right now, tho. WHY U DO DIS, WRITERS? -3)
(-1) Daniel wants to know what's up with Chloe and Carly, and they say that their big secret is that they're spending girl time together at the spa for Chloe's birthday. Daniel's mind is blown by his womens hanging out together, and he wishes he didn't have to miss it. Carly's all, BITCH you weren't invited anyway. (+2) He and Chloe say it can be the start of a beautiful friendship, while Carly looks upset and uncomfortable. (-3 she does this a lot) Chloe admits that she was wrong about Carly, and apologizes. (+1 because that seems to be the theme of today's edition.) Dr. Dan talks to Melanie on the phone, and says they'll wait for her if she meets them at the pier. He oh-so-subtly tries to get rid of Chloe (-2 because don't we all wish it were that easy?), and just straight up tells Chloe that he wants to discuss her BIRTHDAY SURPRISE with Melanie when she gets there. Chloe agrees to leave, so as not to be spoiled. Once Melanie gets to the pier, her parents immediately spot the bruises on her neck. (-2 because I can't see it. Her neck is just extra red, if anything.) She is freaked out by all the parenting going on at once. Anyway, they move on Melanie thinks everything's possible and is excited about the baby and about Chloe and Carly being friends. Daniel and Melanie leave together, and Carly hopes to god Melanie is right. She calls Chloe to tell her for the millionth time that her results will be ready in the morning. (-3)
Bonus Points, Grand Total + Abe Rating
(+10) For Nathan's hair. And the fact that he was whining about his arm all day, and I was amused. If Philip were on today, the hair quotient would go way up. I'm also adding points, though, because Stephanie's new old friend Ian had his hair down when he started asking Stephanie about what she needs~, and suddenly we cut to him with his tied back. What the heck. Magic hair points.
(-10) For added, less amusing confusion, I couldn't tell if it was day or night in Salem. Hope's case seemed to be JUST starting, which would lead me to believe it's day. I assumed the Cheatin' Heart people (Rafe/Nicole, Daniel/Chloe/Carly from yesterday as time carried over today) were nighttime, especially since they're all ready for tomorrow. Melanie and Nathan were walking around in daylight after their shift at the clinic - and for comparison, Philip dropped Melanie off (in yesterday's) for this very shift, and was seen drinking at the Brady Pub past 5pm afterward. SO. I AM CONFUSED.
(+12) Michelle Obama appearance. And being cute with Stefano!
(+10) Rafe and Nicole: we're making them more canon here at AOOL just by sheer will. OMFG.
Apparently, this gives us a total of 56 points (I think?), I thought that Rafe and Nicole would send the score flying through the roof, but it was a pretty boring episode otherwise.
3 Happy Abes
Abe is happy that his wife is adorable, and he's happy that I'm happy that Rafe and Nicole are so becoming canon, but he was just kind of bored otherwise.
Tomrrow's Salem Time Warp
Hope pleads guilty, Arianna shows up at the bar and finds Nicole in Rafe's lap ("Are you out of your freakin' mind?!"), and EJ and Sami continue to be boring.
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