But, to be honest, if I did score this, I think one story would have sent us over the roof in points. You'll know which one I mean.
***
Philip and Chloe hug it out bitch at the pier. I like Philip and Chloe as friends, whatever. That's all I have to say. Nathan walks by, and apologizes for interrupting whatever is going on. Aww, how considerate! He says he meant to call Philip, and they talk about their hospital brosiness for a little bit before he leaves. Chloe freaks out because Nathan KNOWS about her, and she thought he might have figured it out. Aww, come on Chloe. Nathan, though very adorable, is almost as dense as Daniel. And Philip knows Nathan would run straight to Melanie if he knew.
A Doctor walks into a bar and asks one-night stand/baby mama/old friend etc. for her opinion on the bracelet he wants to give to Chloe to wear to the opera for her birthday tomorrow. He says it's their first public birthday together. LOLLLL REMEMBER WHEN CHLOE WAS CHEATING ON LUCAS, SO DANIEL AND CHLOE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET. haahahaha, I'm mean. He's also excited that he gets to tell people he's pregnant soon. (Oh, Chloe's the one who's pregnant.) Carly gets all uncomfortable, but blames her mood on how much she's been working. Daniel tells her he and Mel are worried about her, since she blames herself for the Bo and Hope debacle. Aww, Daniel and Carly are sweet though. He mentions the baby more, making Carly uncomfortable again. Daniel notices something is up, and then she leaves suddenly.
Stephanie, preventing Melanie from finding out why she's REALLY on the computer at St. Mary's, lies about checking up on Daniel's patient for PR purposes. Crazycakes is totally subtle in hoping that Melanie gets the job at this hospital that is across the town from Nathan. She pulls a psychotic fake-nice act that is cracking me up and freaking Melanie out. As Little Red skips off, Crazy continues to peruse hospital records, but when she comes across Chloe's file, access is denied. She seems surprised. Really? Because a PR person should really be given access to paternity test results, Stephanie. She thinks REALLY hard about what she can do, because if Chloe blows up Philip and Melanie, it'll blow up Nathan and her, and her life depends on it. AND OMG SHE HAS AN IDEA!
Sami and E.J. make out in the SUPER SECRET LIVING ROOM at the Dimera mansion, and so what a shock when Stefano walks in on this. Will walks into the room and tries to hold back his vom as Sami's going on about the wedding. "YOU SHOULDN'T BE WEARIN' WHITE AND HE CAN'T AFFORD NO RAAAAANG." Will points out that Sami's had about 29309 weddings, and for some reason thinks she can have a traditional one. Will is obviously my voice on the show, and see that is so WRONG (and then factor in WHOM she's marrying!). Sami acts indignant while Will tells her things she needs to hear, and she wonders why Will wasn't so mean when she was with Rafe. Will tells her, just as he sees Elvis walk into the foyer, that Rafe was different because THAT could have worked. LOL, sneaky bitch. I love Will. He's awesome. EJ hugs Sami as Will leaves the house. LOLLLL okay, Samanther. You say marrying him is what's best for your kids, but she is so going to lose~ Will over it. Bitch, please. Anyway, when E.J. asks if she's okay, she says Will was a "walk in the park" compared to her grandma and dad.
Meanwhile, at the pub, Caroline is complaining about Hope's lack of lawyer when Roman gets a call from Sami saying she has something to tell him. He knows something's up because when she calls him "daddy" (no dirty joke, PLEASE), she's either totaled the car or gotten a D in Spanish. When she replies "Si, si senor," he calls her Samantha Jean. LOLLL. IDK it was actually kind of cute. She tells him she'll see him at the Pub.
Sami and E.J. show up at the pub, but LOL, Caroline doesn't want E.J. present when Sami tells them her news. Oh, Caroline Bluth, you have bigger problems! Sami breaks the news of her engagement, trying to assure them that she's happy. Roman believes that she really has lost her mind. EJ says he understands why they'd be upset, and Roman reminds him that they both have clear memories. Come on, E.J. If somebody raped Sydney, you know you would KILL that guy. So yeah. You're kind of lucky Roman hasn't shot you yet, today. He makes this whole speech about how he loves Sami and respects her and hopes Sydney will learn from them setting such a good example. GAG. Okay. The Bradys aren't buying it, of course, and now Sami refuses to talk to Roman alone, because she WANTS everybody's approval, but if they don't give it to her, then she'll just cut them off. Oh my god.
Ew, at the Kiriakis mansion, Brady is like...ravishing Nicole. He makes me uncomfortable now. Assaulting a woman after sex does that to a guy. And you know what? I just ate, so excuse me while I phone in the recap of their scenes. After they pant and undress each, Nicole wants to take this somewhere a little more private. What? The common areas of the mansion where crazy people live? Not private enough? Crazy Viv can walk in, at any time, on her husband's ex-wife and her husband's grandson ~fornicating. It's a moot point, though, when Brady freaks out decides everything going on here is WRONG. (Seriously, Brady. You forgot the production crew, cameras and cheesy music. GET IT? Because Nicole used to be in PORN!) "What is wrong with you, we were about to make love!" So tender, Nikki. Brady compares sex with Nicole to a drug, and then goes into asshole mode. He basically says he told her he loved her, only to use her for sex, and he doesn't care about her. Brady is DONE with her! Asshole. Please die now.
Rafe is sick of playing by the rules, so he calls a secret person who's surprised he has his number. Rafe tells his phone friend that there's more where that came from. I get the feeling this is a 900 number. Rafe needs help to woo Nicole. He waits at the beach for this mysterious other person and OH MY GOD, LOL. It's Victor. Um, odd scene pairing plus the "beach" setting? EXTRA POINTS. Rafe tells Victor that he has proof that Nicole has something on E.J, and Vic wonders why he should care. Victor thinks they have different ideas about what E.J. "has coming to him." Rafe wants him to lose Sami, whereas Victor wants him to lose an appendage or two. Victor calls E.J. a putz when Rafe tells him what he knows. I love funny Victor. Since Rafe can't use the evidence he stole from Nicole, he needs Victor's help in getting her to tell on Elvis. Victor gives Rafe advice in hopes that he can separate her from Brady, and says he'll owe Rafe a big one. He can pay for their wedding okay. The advice is basically, "she acts tough, but she has a weak spot." Rafe needs to know Nicole's weakness, and Victor reminds him that Nicole was a PORN STAR. OMG PRAISE KANYESUS, THEY'RE ACTUALLY BRINGING THIS UP. MY DAY IS MADE, I AM DYING. THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF "AOOL." I LOVE PORNSTAR NICOLE. Anyway, Rafe wants Victor to tell him something he didn't already know, and Victor tells him about Nicole's dad forcing her into porn and that she is a broken little girl, just looking for her knight in shining armor. SO HE TELLS RAFE TO MAKE A MOVE. OMG GG-gdsgjfoifdojjdso I CAN'T. YOU GUYS. YOU GUYYYYYYYYS. He needs to convince Nicole that he can help her, and she'll give Rafe what she wants. OMG I AM SHAKING AND CRYING.
Philip drops off Melanie at the free clinic so she could complete her hours there, and he is NOT impressed, even though it's a FREE clinic that was just opened. He, too, is really hoping she gets the job at St. Mary's. He and Stephanie are m2b. Apparently Sister Anne missed her appointment with Melanie. Random. Anyway, Philly doesn't want to leave her alone in a ~dangerous neighborhood. AWW. He's presh when he's not cheating on his wife. She mocks him for freaking out in the ghetto. Salem's ghetto is probably just the one street that has a broken street light. That and the pier. She assures him that she's perfectly fine, and that she's working with another doctor, so of course it's Nathan! Philip is clearly very comfortable with them working together on a more regular basis. They'll flirt over flu shots and figure out that they're dating/married to crazy people. So, naturally, Philip acts more awkward. He and Nathan trade territorial banter before Nathan remembers that Melanie is actually in the room. Melanie is uncomfortable.
Chloe meets Daniel at the bar, and he thinks blue looks great on her. It is orange's complimentary color. Duh, Daniel. He lets her open ONE of her gifts (that she just saw him hiding) on the day before her birthday, so of course it's a box that says "baby" on it. Dan's all sentimental about his first present for his child, and I'm loling at Chloe's paaaaiiin. She' tries to convince Dan she's happy before she excuses herself to the ladies' room. Aaaand, in walks Sister Anne. I've heard this joke before. A nun and a doctor walk into a bar... Anyway. She explains to Daniel why she missed her appointment with Melanie, and let me tell you, it's a soap storyline all on its own! There's a 15-year-old pregnant girl in labor and a drunken mother! He invites Sister Anne to meet his fiance. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh oh no no.
Carly is at bar again, but it looks like she forgot something. She sees Chloe at the bathroom freaking out, and turns to see Dan and Anne (lolrhyme) sitting together. Oh, Chloe. You were always worried that CARLY was the hussy who'd steal your man, you didn't even THINK about the nun. iCarly walks over to Danne (OTP), and she explains that she came back for her sunglasses. Sister Anne excuses herself before she even got to meet Daniel's fiance. Carly sees the humor in a nun at a bar. Daniel gets a phone call and has an emergency he has to tend to, so he asks Carly to check on Chloe. She calls Chloe to tell her that the coast is clear, but they need to talk before they go home. They talk on the pier and Carly says everything's okay for now, and her test results will be in first thing in the morning. (LOL, happy birthday, Chloe! Your first present is a paternity test result!) Which Daniel of course overhears as he arrives at the pier.
LOLLLL WHAT IS THIS GUY AT STEPHANIE'S DOOR. "Ian" is all geekery, oversized clothes and long stringy hair, and she's very excited that he's there. Apparently, they're old friends? Stephanie inquires about Ian's computer skills, and he reminds her that in college, he hacked into the school computer mainfraime to say that she filled her PE requirement. LOL, Stephanie was always a corrupt bitch. A little Walking For Fitness never hurt anyone, woman! She flirts with Ian a little to get him to agree to help her before she tells him what she needs, because he totally wants to get in her pants. He implies that if she's asking him for something big, her relationship status is important Stephanie tells Ian that she needs him to access paternity test results. He is confused, because she shouldn't need help getting her own results (LOL), and she tells them they're not her's. Before he asks why she would need somebody else's results, he decides he's better off not knowing. She continually reminds him of these mysterious times she helped him in college. They smile and flirt, and if I stare at them long enough, they kind of look alike.
Will finds Stefano at the mansion, and they have a moment. Stefano confronts Will about his doubts about Sami's engagement, saying he was just as uneasy at first. He says Will is part of the reason he changed his mind, and that he's proud of him. OMG they're adorable. He believes in the power of FAMILY! Will gets emotional because this is the closest he's had to a parental figure actually paying attention to him in, like, his whole life. Later, E.J. announces that the Bradys were unsurprisingly not happy when Sami told them about the engagement, and Stefano tells him not to look so smug. He tells him to be careful, because Rafe or Sami may find out about what Elvis did. Jr. tells Stefano not to say that in the house, and Stefano sees Sami at the door looking pisssssed. Ugh, what now?
Back at the free clinic, a dirty-looking dude tells Melanie he needs something (like, omg, you mean DRUGS?!). She says they only do check-ups and stuff, and he grabs her and has her in a choke hold type thing and calls her a bitch. OMGGGG NATHAN WHERE ARE YOU. SAVE MY BB MELANIEEEEE. Also, Philip may have had a point about how dangerous it is there, I guess.
Philip is drinking alone at the pub, and Brady walks in. Aww, Brady, don't make me tune out of a Philip scene. You ruin everything! Brady doesn't understand why it's not acceptable to drink before five. Brian at the pub is socially irresponsible and serves Brady drinks. Philip is confused that Brady's drinking, and Brady says the booze isn't the problem and he's swearing off everything that is.
Nicole shows up at the bar again, looking sad. She curses E.J. and cries, because what she knows was supposed to put her in charge, and instead, it ruined everything good in her life. Cut to Rafe just outside of the bar. OMFGGGG YOU GUYS. Rafe sees her crying inside, and reminds himself that Victor said to strike when she's vulnerable.
Previews
Chloe thinks Daniel should know the truth, which is obviously not going to be THE truth. Hope is in regular clothes, sans bumpit, in what looks to be the courthouse and announces that she's going to prison. Nicole throws a drink in Rafe's face and says, "No." Aaah, courtship.
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