Okay, I'll get back to scoring episodes one day, but I have to get back into semi-regularly recapping first. My next big task is to remember how to edit. Anyway, the theme of today seems to be "Maggie," because she was incorporated into every single storyline somehow. Amazing.
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I haven't seen Hope in awhile, but right now she is being shown to her cell. Hope thanks Prison Warden, but she's kind of doing this tough love "don't thank me yet" kind of thing. Warden assures Hope she's getting no special treatment based on her name and rank. After Warden leaves, Hope introduces herself to her cellmate. Cellmate tells Hope if she messes with her stuff, she'll mess with her. She taunts Hope a little bit, but apparently this mother of three has a bit of a soft-spot for babbies. Because when she finds out Hope is keeping a picture of her daughter, she offers her tape to hang it up. Cellmate Tina recognizes Hope but can't quite place her. The guard comes around with mail, and upon hearing "Hope Williams," she says she knows who Hope is.
Tina doesn't want to be in the same cell as Hope, because not only is she a cop, she's also a psycho. She calls for a guard, but Lenny the guard can't do anything for her. Tina starts a fight with Hope, in (no pun) hopes that it will get one of them out of the same cell. Hope defends herself and "neutralizes" her, and now Tina's coughing up a lung from being strangled, so she gets sent off to the infirmary. After Warden's like, "WTF" Hope, she tells her that the infirmary is like a giant jailhouse gossip ring, so now eeeeveryone will know who she is.
Bo and Sierra are chilling at Maggie's, who brings out a costume for the demon child's skating(?) recital. I'm not 100% sure if she said skating and not like, dance or ski-jump or something. But if that's a skating costume, it looks a little bulky, just saying. Maggie tells Bo to take a lot of pictures, and Sierra asks why she can't take them herself. Maggie breaks the news that she's leaving and now Sierra thinks life is just, like, SO UNFAIR, since her mom isn't going to her recital and now Maggie can't either. She's talking like a teenager already. Rapid soap aging, without the actual aging.
Sierra is upset that Hope hasn't responded to the letter she wrote her yet, and Bo says that it takes awhile. She wonders why they can't talk on the webcam like she did with Bo when he was away, and he says it's not allowed. "Nothing's allowed! I hate everything!" LMAO no seriously. Demon child is like 3, and talking like a moody teenager. What even. And then she whips out, "I'm going to pray on Grandma's rosary every night, and GOD will make her come home." I'm not one to insult another's faith, but lol. Good luck with that one, kid.
Brady is, you know, just shooting the breeze in his mother's tomb and shouting at Vivian about his mother's dead body and the sarcophagus. He's pretty close to actually like, getting violent her and he hasn't shaved in about a week, apparently. Brady says he isn't stupid blah blah blah, he knows Vivian's up to something and bringing his mother into it was a huge mistake and etc. He's going to force her to tell him her plan so he can go run off to grandpa with it. Brady is inspecting the sarcophagus, and wondering what his mother needs with a straw and an HD monitor. He thinks the coffin is for somebody still alive. He's a sharp one, that Brady Black. He tells Vivian that burying someone alive stays on your permanent record. LMAO, Brady should be a high school guidance counselor. Vivian tries to call for help, but Brady says if she touches her cell phone, he'll break both of her legs off. That's...cute. Anyway, when he thinks of Vivian, he thinks, "She buries people alive!" Fucking LOL. Brady wonders who Vivian is planning to bury. Hmm, Melanie? I kind of do get a little joy at his protectiveness over Melanie, but he manhandles Vivian a bit and the fact that they have him do this kind of stuff really sickens me, to be honest. Anyway, she drops her purse and Brady goes through her belongings and apparently has found something damning.
Meanwhile, Melanie is in the hospital locker room and Nathan walks in and his hair is super hilarious. Apparently, he's a bit overworked, and Dr. Harrison didn't show up so Nathan has to cover his shift. Melanie gossips about Dr. Harrison and his inability to juggle the wife and the mistress, and when she turns around Nathan is leaning against the lockers and asleep. How tender.
Elsewhere at Salem U, Carly's telling Chloe not to worry about Vivian. Daniel wonders why Chloe is upset, worried about Vivian and calling Carly about her. Daniel wonders what Chloe had to do with Vivian's revenge plan on Carly, and Carly flashes back to when she confessed to trying to kill her. Still funny. Carly assures him everything is fine, they're all friends, blah blah, this scene was pretty useless.
Anyway, why is Stephanie at Chloe's and looking at her all sinister? She brought her a gift for the baby, and it's actually cute except for the fact that Stephanie is trying to prove that Chloe changed her own paternity test results. Because (and yes, we do have to rehash Stephanie's roundabout logic because it's necessary to point out just how crazy she is) if Chloe did something that affects her own life and ostensibly doesn't affect Stephanie at all, it is clearly Stephanie's business. She should definitely be breaking into people's apartments and their computers and hospital computers, right? RIGHT?! Oh my god, what is this girl even.
Chloe and Stephanie talk a little while longer, and Chloe is confused what she has to do with everything working out for Stephanie. Stephanie says that Chloe telling her to talk to Father Matt last year was the greatest advice ever (...okay. Poor priest, he gets the most pathetic people in Salem trying to talk to him all the time). Stephanie insults Philip to prove how amazing Nathan is, and I'm sure that's something Chloe's super comfortable talking about. Crazy tells Chloe about how happy she is with Nathan, and it's a little creepy because she sounds so serious. Chloe wonders if Stephanie is actually happy. And she is also probably freaked out because it's Stephanie, and as hilarious as Chloe's signature wide confused eyes are, Stephanie totally wins at scary crazy eyes. Chloe tells Stephanie that she reminds her of herself with Lucas, trying to convince herself that they are happy together. Stephanie insists that she and Nathan are ~DIFFERENT.
Chloe still thinks Stephanie is a bit worried about something. Intuitive!Chloe. This is new. Stephanie says she's worried about work and forgetting to send in a file or something. She gives herself an excuse to use Chloe's computer, and she looks pretty giddy. That can't be good. But now that she can send Ian an e-mail from Chloe's computer, he can figure out if she used her computer to change her results. Stephanie meets Ian at the pub, and she prattles on about Chloe and he's barely listening while he does all the work for her by hacking into St. Mary's computers once again.
LMAO Stephanie would DIE if she realized that while she's busy creeping out Chloe, this little scene is going on between Melanie and Nathan. THERE IS TOUCHING. AND STUFF. Okay, well, she helps him away from the lockers and onto a bed, because if he's going to sleep, he might as well be...like, not standing up. She's about to leave when she drops her purse and a bunch of pacifiers fall out - for Chloe's baby shower, she explains. He's confused about Melanie being friendly with Chloe now, and half-sleepy, he tells Melanie to do him a favor (not that kind of favor.) and not to get too close to Chloe. Obviously, Melanie is confused.
After sort-of dancing around it, Nathan and Melanie drop the subject. But he's kind of delicate, if we all remember, so he's now in pain because he just whacked his arm on the bed. Melanie thinks he should put ice on it and he just wants sleep. But she insists she's getting him some ice, and then he can sleep. He calls her bossy, and I was half expecting him to make some half-conscious comment about her being a nagging wife. Because, you know, he's in love with her and everything, and sleepy Nathan doesn't have to have self-restraint or pretend he likes Stephanie. Anyway, Melanie's about to get Nathan an ice pack, but Maggie's right at the door and finds Melanie being alone with Nathan a quite compromising situation. Maggie wonders if it's a good idea for Melanie and Nathan to be working together so much, and Melanie watches a sleeping Nathan and insists that it's all good.
Later, Maggie brings Melanie good news that Dr. Harrison is at the hospital, so Nathan doesn't have to work his shift anymore. Melanie excitedly rushes off to tell him the good news, which leaves Maggie a little baffled. And as she walks in, Nathan is having a dream about kissing Melanie and telling her that he loves her. Ooooh, how awkward.
Brady realizes that Vivian's plan is for Maggie, and he's taunting Vivian about how much everyone loves Maggie and that she's just jealous. He's striking quite the nerve with her, and she calls him a sanctimonious drunk while telling him to STFU. OMG, Vivian if you get into a physical altercation with Brady and he "accidentally" falls and hits his head against something hard (like this beautiful sarcophagus you already have out and ready for somebody to be buried alive), I would laugh and laugh if you just stash his body in there. Vivian and Brady continue to insult each other. He keeps repeating the word "stupid" and now Vivian's like, maybe you're right... And "you could just be talking about yourself." AND I SHIT YOU NOT, she grabs one of the urns in the tomb and I think she's planning on whacking him over the head with it. Not going to lie, I'm looking forward to this. I hope it pans out.
Carly is suddenly at Maggie's now, and Sierra walks into the kitchen again, greeting her very formally and precociously like the demon child she is. Okay. Bo is confused at her behavior, and she explains that Victor told her to be nice to Carly. I think Carly looks upset, but she's always so damn calm that I can't be sure. Bo continues to feel guilty about the situation with Sierra and Hope, and Carly continues to be ridiculously understanding. Bo is proud of himself for properly using a toaster. He wonders if Hope received Sierra's letter today, because maybe it will give Hope a little...boost. How long did it take for the writers to figure out a word to use instead of "hope?
Poor Gus! After being traumatized by Vivian, he's leaving town, but he calls Maggie to warn her about Vivian's crazy schemes. But the line is breaking up, and Maggie can't hear him very clearly. So, she barely hears anything except for his final words of warning.
AAAAND OMGGG GG ojiji VVIVIIIAANAN. HIT. BRADY. OvER THE HEAD. OMG. PERFECTION. I'm dying. He's lamenting over her moving his dead mother, and then she hits him and says that pretty soon, he'll join her! L M A O. I CANNOT. YOU GUYS. I CAN'TTTTT.
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